Saturday, June 27, 2009
Oh well so many things happened at centralised training... did alot of training got hurt here and there.. still aching as well.. on the 23rd zhu ren talked to us abt SEA Games and i was so excited but almost all hope is lost.. i told myself at 1st its just a carding and its just the medical support and money. i'm sure i'll get it next time round.. but he said tt u will get a higher chance if u are carded.. and considering tt i don have any outstanding results last yr being carded was really impt.. so its like i got no results no carding... especially when he said don be demoralised if u don get to go SEA Games... i was like, then why i train like shit for what??? Sure there is world champs but i still have to qualify for it... and oh wait.. whats better is that i cant even do a qdl, so what makes me think i can go ANYWHERE AT ALL?!?!?!
Why is it always like tt?? M i really tt lousy stupid and slow??? why cant i do it when others have??? sometimes zhuren say things like its okie work hard for world then next yr then talk... i was thinking, then y i delay my sch for what?? he still say maybe if u get something or somewhere i can push u to SEA. but looking at how i'm doing, do u think so??? i really wanna believe coz the list is not out yet... but thinking of doing the qdl is like shit man... bang my knee at the same spot some more... like some ppl never do before do once already get it.. i do more than them also not there... Is there really any hope??? at times i do envy ppl who are so gd and get to go but what is the use??? it wont get you anywhere also... if i wasnt caught tt night i would most probably shouted and cried... its like smashing ur heart but tell you that it doesnt hurt... its okie one...
I feel so lost in life now... i don know what to focus on... sch or wushu??? same as church, i told ppl tt i will be going china and will only be back on the 4th of july but then now its like i'm back early and i din say a word. suddenly the chief teacher call me telling me 28 june i got duty... and early into the mth of june she still call and confirm tt i will be in china till 4th july.. then she was like angry at me for not telling her i cant make it to teach... even when i'm so lost in direction in church and wushu and sch, i will get scolded.. thats for church.. in wushu, i feel so demoralised and keep trying to push myself to make myself hype but everytime someone will tell me its ok if u don make it to SEA. and yet in church and in my family its like so u going SEA Games this yr???
I know i train for myself, but being not so well off compared to them, its the only thing tt makes me be accept by them.. and if i cant even excel, do for what??? waste time.. so much training.. thats what they say.. another 6 more days to the selections, what do i do??? i think i kind of pulled my inner thigh muscle also.. its a very difficult time for me.. someone ever told me i've been through it so don be like me... i'm trying really hard... not to win but just to reach there... I so so so so so so feel like crying now....
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to(countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities