Monday, July 6, 2009
Its monday and the start of training yet again.... Was so upset and pissed at myself for not doing even better than what i did on saturday, i channeled all that negative energy to kicking faster harder stronger... jump also like its my last jump before i die or something... hahhaa.. in fact i think i did better... hahaha!!! was quite amazed myself...
However, jie wasnt feeling well and she came to me told me.. i just gave the ok i know face... i should have been more caring and sort but i just couldnt bring myself to do it.. coz i was afraid i would say something wrong having so much negative energy inside me... and i was scolded yesterday for being sad n stuff... that i was also pissed at... 1 quarter of me said don talk to her... later kena say again... but then 3 quarter of me was like... should i ask her if she's ok... or help her tell coach that she not feeling well... or maybe make her laugh or something... brighten up her spirits coz laughter cures...
In the end, i did nothing but watched... so many times i would glance over to see how she's doing but then also i'll be acting like i din care at all... Geezzz... damn hard man... this time i really don wanna say sorry but then i always do which i did... someone has to start right?? yesterday i was so damn sad but the SEA games thing and the only thing she said was, if u always need someone to encourage you and i'm disappointed in you... but the thing is its becoz i know something and is being affected... thought u should be the 1st to know.. someone important to me... not even my parents were told.. not even now... i haven told them... not tt i wan pity.. but i just wan you to know how i feel and tt this is happening in my life and i want you to be part of it...
I could feel any closeness to her at all and that was so heartaching to read... to put someone down when they are halfway there... i don need your pity.... neither do i pity myself... coz i was rejected before and now again... so ya... its like the 2nd time... this time i'm not even worth norminating... of coz i will be sad and stuff.. i'm after all human.. but i just wan her to see the real me and not act like aiya its nothing actually SEA games, so wat... lousy shit game.... don go then don go lo... NO... i put in so much sacrifice so much... and i know u work hard doesnt mean u will go but its only human to feel that way... i found it was a failure coz i failed to reach one of my goals this yr.. which is number 2 to go SEA games...
Well... if i made you angry, i'm truly sorry.. but to hurt me when i'm already feel it... i'm disappointed... coz i thought u will know me better.. anyway i just wanna forget all unhappy stuff and be happy coz being unhappy is bad for health and i haven full recovered from the throat infection.... i also really hope it doesnt stray our relationship coz it will be so stupid if it does...
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to(countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
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