Saturday, October 10, 2009
Well... Call me lonely or something or call me jealous but just becoz i don have a full time job doesnt mean i don get tired and frustrated coz after all i am human!! I travel around and tt itself is tiring especially when you go more than one place within a short time..
Today, i hear from ppl who joke to me but somehow i din find it funny at all... and now, maybe the priorities have change so i'm no longer impt to anyone or in need or of use to anyone and so i get ignored... but nvm.. maybe their busy.. but when i do get time to talk to them.. all they talk abt is work!!!
I know the job is new and stuff and its interesting.. but a hi how are you sounds better anytime.. its now a hi and a hey and tts all.. oh i'll ask how was work or how's training or something but yea... pretty much just one sided and after i asked, if u remember you would say things abt your work.. and after your work you go on to other things abt other work... other than work is there anything else tt you wanna ask or say?? I doubt so...
I hate to say this but i wasnt interested at all.. or maybe i was abt ur life and stuff.. its nice to know you remember and share something with me.. but i guess this is how life works.. maybe my presence is just insignificant from the start so no matter how much i do or have done, it will never be compared to anyone or even thing...
Its really sad to say this but i don wish to see you or talk to you or even think of u.. coz it hurts me so deeply.. not tt you don give me ur time.. but not even a word of concern... to think i was so naive.. to think competition is coming and so both of us had to focus.. but no... i focused.. and i cared at the same time.. watching over praying nothing goes wrong or no one gets hurt...
Don toy with my emotions even if u don mean it... i'm sensitive and trying not to be anymore... coz in the end i suffer more than anyone else.. even when i cared, it was not appreciated.. the only time where a few words of concern is said or type out is when you go to bed or i send an sms over 1st... how come i cant be as selfish??? is it coz i choose to put you as something impt in my life?? if so, how do i take it out??? coz when you talk to me abt stuff, I din like it at all.. but of coz i wanna know whats going on.. haiz.. anyway i feel much better just spilling some out..
At times i wonder, if i really have no money and no car, will there be anyone left to give me a hand or will they just ignore me and let me die??? in the past, i still feel i'll be saved by you but now, i think i'll die and rot to dust without anyone knowing...
The only thing tt is keeping me going is my mind and God... I keep telling myself, i must always understand ppl feelings and tt God cares and wants you to work hard to reach the goal.. so now.. my eyes are only on God.. maybe tts y i kind of stopped smsing even when at time to time i was thinking of smsing you.. coz in the end i don even know whether you'll reply.. its hard to give and not receive at all from anyone.. coz you need to replenish from somewhere..
I was shocked when you din say anything at all when i said i was aching everywhere.. i could feel tt i was falling sick.. but then i din wanna hint to u just so you would say some caring words to me.. i find it pointless now.. i was still hoping tt u would use the keychain i gave you to put on ur bag.. but it all doesnt matter no more.. For 2 months now.. i've been trying means and ways to ask you for a favor but i never did coz i'm afraid u would reject or scold me.. all i wanted was for you to help me with the make up during competition but until now.. i just couldnt bear to ask...
I'm sorry for the long post but i really have alot to say and nowhere but to say it here.. So i'm sorry tt is if anyone reads this...
Thanks to all the blogs i referred to(countless) for html code help :) (esp. cyn' and sixseven)
Adobe Photoshop Elements for supernatural abilities